The purpose of this page is to support
and encourage pastor's wives. If you are a pastor's wife and have
a question, helpful suggestion, or response to another question or suggestion,
please fill out the form and click submit. Responses will be added
later. Let's help each other!
Please also submit for our
future book
. We are also planning a book for and about
pastor's kids
. Please check this out if you were a pastor's kid - or have your
child give us ideas!
Due to your great responses, we have
made this Support Board into many different pages! Make sure you read
all of them!
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Page 22 - Current Page
Sharon 1/3/02
As the old cliche' goes, "be careful what you ask for, you just might
get it." You did pray for God to provide a full time job for your
husband and He has done just that. Now you must be willing to see
what God has in store for you. As you said, you have learned many things
while you have been there, just think how much more God can show and teach
you. I know it's difficult, I've been in similar situations (very
recently). We've been living where we are for about six months and
things are just now beginning to take shape and I am finally finding some
friends that I've been praying for. They are not great in number and
they are not extremely close to my age, but they care for me and love me
and it provides someone I can talk to (about certain things) and even go
to lunch with. I am still praying for couple friends closer to our
age group and I know they will come, in God's perfect timing. My suggestion
to you is to be more aggressive in making some friends. I know, easier
said than done. This wasn't easy for me either. I am not an outgoing
person and I always waited for people to come to me. But I learned
that people will help you or talk to you when you open the doors and let
them. They may be waiting for you to make the first move. Invite
someone to lunch, or have a couple over for dinner, get involved in a hobby
group of some type (church related or not), get someone in the church (a
youth maybe) to babysit so you and your husband can have some private time
together and recultivate your relationship with each other. Find the
romance again. One of my previous Sunday School teachers always encouraged
his class (couples class) to keep dating even after you are married.
This means a night out WITHOUT the kids. Do somthing special like going
to a movie, eat out at a nice resturant or fix a romantice dinner at home,
etc. Allow you and your husband keep the lines of communication open
and remember why you fell in love. Ideally, you should have a date night
once a week. But I know with kids that is not always possible, but
try to have it at least twice a month. As for communicating with grandparents,
aunts, uncles, etc., call on the phone often, get a video cam for your computer,
and schedule special visits. My husband and I are both away from our
families but we do the things I just mentioned and it makes things easier
to deal with because we know these things are coming up and are always
there. It gives us something to look forward to. Keep praying, God
will answer in His time, and we know that His time is perfect! Also,
keep yourself open, and accepting, to God's will. If you want any
further suggestions feel free to e-mail me. God bless you.
Maggie 1/2/02
Hi ladies! I have just found this site and want to say that I think
whoever began this site truly answered a call to a well needed ministry.
Pastor's wives tend to have no one in which to share with and it is a very
lonely life. But, I do feel that Pastor wives are called just like the
Pastor himself is. We are important in God's eyes as well and he calls
us to carry out his duties and commands just as he calls a pastor. Thanks
for all you faithful pastor's wives out there and for all the support you
lend one another. May God bless all of us.
Wonder 1/2/02
How do you really know if you are called to be a pastor or a pastor's wife?
I have heard a few different things but none of the advice seems to fit our
situation. Could it be that everyone is different. I have desired to be
a Pastor's Wife since I was a kid. I just want to help people and I do every
chance I get. My husband says he believes he's called and I wish that if
he was he would do something about it. But I think he keeps waiting the
pastor to tell him or offer to help him. He is always greatly dissapointed
because the Pastor keeps giving us boosts of insight or words of knowledge
that always lead us to think that he thinks so too but it's like popping
the question always waiting for right moment. I guess I'm feeling tired
of the mind games and getting impatient with this engagement process. We
are getting any younger you know. So how is this supposed to happen any
how? I guess I'm just gonna have to keep trusting God to do things His way
and in His timing.
Missionary wife 1/9/02
Wanting to be a pastor's wife is a wonderful thing, but it is a very
difficult job. There are so many ways to serve the Lord besides being
a pastor's wife. Remember, if God has not called your husband to be
a pastor, he will not be a success and he may be responsible for sending
more people to hell than Heaven. The most important thing in a person's
life is to find God's will and do it. Someone once told me If you can
be happy doing anything else in the world, do it. In other words, if
your husband has peace and joy and contentment doing the job he is doing,
maybe he is not called. If he is not and you push him into it, not
only will he fail as a pastor, but it will also put your marriage on dangerous
ground. If I were you I would set my goal to be the best soul-winner
and Christian wife and mother in the church. First, make sure you are
doing the basics, reading the Bible and praying every day. Next, make
sure you always have tracts and make it a habit to give one to every person
you meet - in the grocery store, the dry cleaners.... Third, ask God
to give you the opportunity to witness to one person every day. By
this I mean an opportunity to sit down with someone and share from the Bible
the simple plan of salvation. You have neighbors right - why don't
you go knock on their doors and ask them if you could talk to them about
their soul. Ask them if they were to die today if they are 100 percent
for sure that they would go to Heaven. Then show them how to be saved.
Fourth, if you are not already, start teaching a Sunday School class or start
a morning Women's Bible Study during the week. If you still have more time
and energy ask your pastor for more jobs - the bathroom always needs cleaning!
God uses busy people. If you and your husband are busy serving the
Lord in the ways you can now, God may call you to be a pastor's wife later.
Telisha 1/2/02
I just need some words of encouragement. I have been recently dealing
with some issues from childhood and needed someone to help me pray.
thanks
butterfly 1/3/02
Telisha, just want you to know that someone is praying for you. I will
pray that the Lord will reveal what needs to be revealed in your life at
the right time as to not overwhelm you. He does all things well. This verse
often helps me...He that began a good work in me will be faithful to complete
it. Whatever your situation is concerning your past the Lord is Lord of
it all. He is the God of all comfort, peace. strength, hope etc. He longs
to heal you and He will but sometimes it takes time. He too longs to bring
forth a forgiveness in you for yourself and whoever else was involved. He
will perfect that which concerneth you. He is hope, He alone is the answer
for you right now. Remember He gives beauty for ashes, the oil of gladness
in place of our pain. Everything that the enemy meant for evil the Lord turns
it for His good and His glory. He gives joy that can't be removed because
it didn't come from any circumstances or any earthly source. You are the
joy that was set before Him on the cross and if you are covered in His blood
then He will take care of this situation. He gives His beloved rest. His
burdens are light and easy and we will find rest for our souls. He's the
peace in the midst of the storm so enjoy resting in Him even in this time
of what should be stressful and discouraging. You are more than a conquerer
through Christ Jesus. May the Lord hold you close during this time. Remember,
you are being prayed for.
Amy 4/8/02
Telisha....I'm praying for you. I've dealt with things from my
childhood off and on. For the most part, I'm healed, but at
times "the lies" want to creep up on me. I can honestly say
- things get better. If it wasn't for God, I wouldn't be here today.
He held me through it all. Hard to believe, hard to accept and even
baffling. Why? To bring me to the other side so I can help
others . Because we live in a fallen society where sin abounds and
innocent people get hurt. Thank God he is there to heal us.
Here's a verse that got me through: "for I know the thoughts that
I think towards thee, thoughts for good and not for evil....TO GIVE
YOU A FUTURE AND HOPE." Also, "God will restore to you
the years that the swarming locust (and those people that hurt you were definately
"swarming locusts") have eaten. Exodus"
Hang on, cry, talk to God, don't give up....there's joy on the other side......Amy
renee 1/3/02
I am pw and been married for 17 years. MY husband has been pastoring
for 20 years. He has chartered several churches. He has a mentor that is
a lady pastor and spends a lot of time with her. He acknowledge her to
the concregation all the time and constantly tell the people how much he
loves her. She is good to my husband and children. I believe that my husband
love me and I also believe that I am third in his life. God first, his mentor
second and me and my children third. I have confronted him about this situation.
He said that this is just the way it is. I have been in the background for
17 years. His mentor and him had a relationship before we met and that bond
is stronger than our. What can I do to strengthen our relationship? I just
tired o f being third
Missionary wife 1/8/02
Tell your husband that it is her or you. You are supposed to be first
in your husband's life. If he has allowed you to feel this way, it
is his fault. Don't let him try to tell you that you are being jealous
or that you are insecure. The job of the wife is to meet the emotional,
physical, social, and intellectual needs of her husband. The fact that
he is spending so much time with her shows that he is allowing her to meet
some of his needs. By the way - I would never let my husband ever spend
time alone - even in an office or ride in a car - with another woman.
Not even if she was 15 years old or 75 years old. Not even for two
seconds. I am never alone with a man, and he is never alone with a
woman. Even when my father-in-law knocks on our door he does not get
to come in unless my husband is home. Next, you need to learn to meet
the needs of your husband. Two books that should be on every women's
bookshelf are Fascinating Womanhood by Helen Adelain and The Act of Marriage
by Tim LaHaye. Read those books and learn to live every chapter of
Fascinating Womanhood. If you do, you will win the heart and attention
and firstplace love of your husband back.
Someone cares 1/11/02
Please be careful, pray and seek the Lord for an answer to your problem.
Remember that this site is not professional counseling and seek God before
you do anything. What another person may or may not tolerate from
her husband has nothing to do with what you do. The Bible says to submit
to your own husband. That a means that what may work for me and my husband
may or may not work for you and yours. Only do what God tells you
to do. The best book in the world to read is the Holy Bible. It has
an answer to every question you will ever have. My prayer for you
is that God will grant you wisdom and knowledge to handle your situation
and that He will get the Glory in your life. God Bless!!!!!!!
Kim 1/4/02 Father
God, I come to you right now in the mighty name of Jesus Christ Father I
pray for all of my sisters that are reading this and ask that you speak
to each and every one of thir needs God you are an awesome and magnificant
God and you alone are worthy to be praised. God I ask that you speak to
the need of each pastor's wife that reads this prayer and that you bless
them ina mighty way God it says in your word that you will giveus the desires
of our hearts if we delight ourselves in you so I pray that as each sister
has a desire that you will grant it if we are delighting in you I pray for
renewed spirits where they are broken and for strength were there is weakness.
God only you alone can bring joy, peace, deliverance and healing so I pray
that you will allow these things to come to pass. God we love you
and adore you and just ask right now that each entry on this page will be
taken care of by you. Where there is abuse please God deliver in the name
of Jesus, where there is sin cleand us up Whatever the need may be God I
pray that you will handle like only you can. God we pray for our husbands
right now. Whatever there needs may be we pray for them in Jesus name.
God we know that they face many challenges and temptations but we also know
that you are in control and that you will never leave or foresake us to speak
to our husbands needs right now and do only what you can do. God we
pray that your perfect will will be done in our lives and in the lives of
our husbands. We pray for our congregations in the name of Jesus and
ask that you will use us to your glory to do what you would have us to do
that You receive all glory, honor,
and praise. God we just love you and adore you and knowing that we
could never thank you enough we just give our lives to you fully to use as
you wish. We love you and thank you right now in the name of Jesus
and claim the victory over every situation that we face. Thank you
Lord in Jesus name we pray, Amen. Goodmorning Sisters, I pray you
will be blessed with this prayer and that we have a properous and blessed
year. And now that no matter how near or far we may be there is a
bond that we have that can never be broken. Have a blessed day, month,
and year. I love you all. God Bless. Kim
Tina 1/4/02 Hi I
have been a minister's wife for 15 years. It has been great for the
most part. We've have our ups and down as every minister and his
wife does. My husband is my best friend. I could really never
trust anyone else. I have been hurt by a lady in the past.
It will never happen again. so I usually try to do things by myself with
sometimes an assistant. I use to direct adult choir, but I quit doing
that and took on the kid's choir. "Boy have I been blessed"
the kids have been such a great joy for me. They are like my little
best friends, they comfort me, they make me laugh, they don't talk
about you, they don't expect anything out of you, they are so easier to
work with than adults. I love my kids!!!!! The Lord has blessed
me with many talents. There is so much jealousy from some ladies
in the church that I came from. I don't even participate in committees
anymore, because they cause division. Adults really need to learn
from children. Ladies don't let the ministry get you down.
It can be great!!! Don't live in a fishbowl. We are only human.
God didn't make us superwomen. Keep your head up and don't let anyone
talk bad about your husband, children or yourself. Thank God for
my husband and the work he is doing for the Lord. We work as a team!!
Always lifting each other up, never cutting each other down. May God
bless each and everyone of you and may you continue to serve him and not
people.
Bound to be a PW! 1/6/02
I have read all of the enteries from page one to today and am more discouraged
than ever. My husband went to Bible college to be a pastor and we are
now waiting for God to open a door for us to serve. I was so excited
about being a pastors wife but after reading these letters I am scared to
death! I grew up a pastor's kid and pretty much hated it because my
father was hardly ever home, had numerous affairs and moved our family around
too many times to count. I don't want that for my children, I don't want
the pain of people that you love and serve turning against you, the pain
of rumors and gossip about you. Is there any way to prevent it? I have
seen it all first hand, my husband hasn't and can't imagine the pain it can
bring. I want to be in full support of my husband and to see this as my ministry
too. I have a wonderful husband who is a wonderful father and will make a
wonderful shepherd/pastor. I would just like to be able to prepare beforehand
for the pain that is bound to come. Any suggestions??
Kristal 1/7/02
Being a Pastor's wife is many things....Including discouragement. Listen,
when God does open a door - go through it - after carefully praying. In
the past, my husband and I have had numerous meetings before we took on
a church. Pretty much they lied to us and told us what we wanted to hear.
For the last 10 1/2 years, the churches we served have been horrible to us.
Not every church, but mostly all of them. They did not care about what God
wanted us to do, but what they wanted. God would give my husband a great
vision and they would shoot it down. I mainly got treated horrible. I had
no mentor and was learning by God's grace. Guess what, people are NOT forgiving
and love to tell vicious rumors and LIES about the Pastor's wife. BUT THINGS
CAN CHANGE! I learned so much from all of that awful ministry times! I have
learned so much that God has given me heart for Ministry wives. He has called
me to Women's ministries. I am so excited. NOW, after 11 years in the ministry,
God instructed us to start a church. We started about 6 months ago and
it is going great! I am able to minister to people now! I can give food
away or money! It is wonderful to actually minister to hurting people.
Take heart. God will see you through and give you a place to serve. Sometimes
we have to go through a bunch of ministry crap to get to the place where
HE ultimately wants us. I thank God for all of the CRAP I went through
because it has prepared me for ministry now. YOu can let ministry make you
or break you. I choose to let it make me. Ministry can be a wonderful thing
even when it is bad. Look for the good. God will see you through it. Keep
your eyes on Him. Also, do not let ministry bring bitterness and hate to
your heart. It is easy to let this happen (from experience, I know). Just
pray for those would persecute you and be genuinely kind to them. Love them
as Christ loves you. This is my advice.
Missionary wife 1/8/02
First, the only person that wants to discourage you is the devil.
That is terrible that you had so many bad experiences growing up. I
don't mean to offend you or to hurt you any more than you have been, but
we believe that for a man to be qualified for the ministry he must meet certain
Biblical requirements. I am sure you have read 1 Timothy. Well,
we believe that once a man has committed adultery, he is no longer qualified
to be in the ministry. We also believe that if the children of the
preacher are rebellious - sex, drugs, running away - he is also disqualified.
If your husband believes that God has certain standards for the ministry
it will motivate him to put his family first. He will know that if
he loses his family, he loses the ministry. Don't try to prepare for
pain that is "bound to come". Expect that things will turn out right
and do everything you can to make that happen. The best thing you can
do to prepare yourself to be a good pastor's wife is to be a good wife and
mother. Your number one job is not to the church, it is not to the
children, it is to your husband. Your children will be with you 18
years, but your husband forever. A good book to read is Fascinating
Womanhood by Helen Adelain. Also, The Act of Marriage by Tim LaHaye.
Make sure you are meeting all of your husband's needs - emotional, intellectual,
social, and phyiscal, and you won't have worry about being a good pastor's
wife, you will be the best example of a wife for the ladies of the church.
Virtue 1/9/02
First of all slow down. Remember that this is a place for PW to
vent and to find advice. I am not like the average PW. I never
prayed to be a PW. I was called by God to be a PW and a Minister. First
of all being a Pastor should first of all be a calling by God. Any ministry
that God places you in, he equips you to perform. If your husband knows
that he is called to Pastor, that is the first step. You have to pray
and wait before God to find out what your place in the ministry is.
I want to let you in on a secret, well, it is not really a secret but most
people really miss it. The word "Minister" means "Servant."
A Minister is a Servant of God's People and a Pastor is the Chief Servant.
Meaning he (or she) has to wash the disciples feet. I always share
this with people, especially minister wives who tell me that their husband
is about to Pastor and they are frighten. Remember that the church members
are God's People, we are only caretakers of his flock. Will you suffer
being a Pastor Wife? Yes. But if we "Suffer with Him, We will
Also Reign With Him. Never get in tuck of war with the church members
and always remember who you are serving. You are serving Christ IN HIS PEOPLE.
I hope you are encourage by these words and May God Richly Bless you and
Your Husband as you Venture out to Ministry.
Pastor Steve 1/7/02
Hello Ladies. I am a Pastor of a small church in TN. My wife is with
me at the moment and she has shared with me this support board for Pastor's
wives. Let me begin by saying this - that I thank God for my wife. She
has been such a tremendous support to me and the ministry we share together.
I have a heart for women such as yourselves. You are precious and God sent.
God did not take you from under man's feet, but he took you from man's
side. That's because He expects you to stand beside your husband, not behind
him or beneath him. I know too well the struggles and hardships that face
all of you in ministry. And I am praying for you.We have had our share of
trials as well. And, sometimes the storms of life have been so severe that
it seems as though there is no break in the clouds, but keep looking straight
ahead and don't let your faith falter. Because, God is still in control of
the storms. He knows what is on the other side. May Christ keep you and may
His peace surround you. God bless you all... Pastor Steve
Ann 1/10/02 I am
planning on having a pastor's wives appreciation tea at our church.
I have some ideas but would welcome any other ideas. I want the ladies
to fell appreicated, encouraged, lifted up and loved. Blessings, Ann
No Feelings 1/10/02
My dear fellow 1st Ladies! The last time I made an entry onto this website
I was in a very low point in my life (Nov. 3, 2001 entry). I felt as though
God had forsken me in this calling of a Pastor's Wife that He placed on
my life. For a whole year my marriage went through turmoil. Now my sisters
I can proudly say that I have a praise report. I could not walk in this victory
without sharing with you ladies some hope. A couple of weeks after making
my submission to this website, I began to talk to the Lord about the
beginning of my marriage. I reminded Him that He told me that the man that
I am married to today was the husband He had choosen for me; therefore,
because I allowed God to choose my mate, my husband had to posess everything
I needed and wanted in a husband. I told the Lord that my husband was lacking
in certain areas in my marriage and it was His( God's) responsibility to
put it in order. I told the Lord that because I did my part of allowing
Him to choose my mate, I needed Him to do His part in making my marriage
become a picture of His marriage to the church. I did not want anything
less than what God's Word says that my marriage is suppose to be. LADIES,
DON'T SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS THAN HAVING THE MARRIAGE THAT JESUS DIED
ON THE CROSS FOR YOU TO HAVE! That is a trick of Satan! Yes your marriage
will have problems...Yes you will feel lonely...Yes you will be betrayed...Yes
you will cry...Yes your husband will act crazy...Yes you will feel unappreciated
. . . CHRIST DID TOO! The awesome thing about Christ is that He did not
settle for less than what He was suppose to have... and that was the VICTORY!!
Satan threw everything he thought of Jesus' way and Jesus still got the
victory! Hallelujah! That is exactly what the Satan wants to do... steal,
kill, and destroy your marriage and take your victory. But the devil is
a liar! I speak victory upon all of you and your marriages right now in the
name of Jesus The Christ! Yes my sister it hurts.. yes it's unfair, but God
has placed in you everything you need to be victorious in your marriage.
Yes your husband may have fallen short in many areas in your marriage...
but girls wipe your faces, throw back your shoulders and know that we do
not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against
powers , against rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts
of wickedness in the heavenly places (Eph. 6:12). Know that you already
have the victory sisters! Even though you feel like it all over for you and
your husband; your not wrestling to gain victory but rather to MAINTAIN your
victory! It was given to you by Jesus when He rose from the dead. No my marriage
is not excempt from trials, but NOW I have understanding of whose in the
driver's seat...and it's not Satan! God has shown me that 1st Ladies are
extrodinarily powerful in the Body of Christ and Satan knows it. That's why
he tries to destroy our marriages so that we would not have the strength
to do effective ministry. The devil is a liar! I charge you to put your husbands
in the Lord's hands! Take your hands off it! Allow God to show you what changes
you need to make of yourself and watch your husband fall into his rightful
position as the spiritual head of your house and loving godly husband you
crave for. I'm not saying this to sound spiritual; I'm saying it because
I went through it! Shortly after my submission to this website, God told
me to stop working at the church full time and keep my daughter at home.
God gave me a spirit of the "virtous woman" in Proverbs 31. Now the things
that I do for my husband and my household I do because I want to, not because
I feel demanded to. It became my "good pleasure". Now I have more time to
spend with God, with my children, with myself, and anything else I want to
do (I have even started exercising). He has started to show me what He wants
for me to do in my personal ministry. Leaving your place of employment
may not be for you, but position yourself to hear what God wants you to
do to maintain your VICTORY! I'm praying for you! Your VICTORIOUS sister
in Christ!
mixed emotions 1/28/02
I am going through a pretty lowtime in my life right now. Especially
with my husband, our marriage, etc...BUT I was soo blessed and encouraged
by you today....Thank you for bringing me back to reality...for a moment
i was actually getting ready to back my bags and give in...I can not allow
the enemy to have the victory....I am already victorious through Jesus The
Christ and He has given me the authority to use His name and the power associated
with it..I am more the conqueror...I am a victor.....I realize that God
is building character in me....I remember praying and telling God that spiritually
I wanted to move to another level and that there where somethings He has
to work out of me....He's doing it....The things that I am going through
now is so much bigger than me...I can't wait to post the testimony of my
deliverance....I know that it is coming I just have to trust God, walk in
obediance to Him, and wait(continue to serve)...I won't be in the storm too
long....Wow, I am actually encourage to simply gird up and get back in thr
"ring" to fight(on my knees)....Thank You Again.
VJ 1/12/02 Thank
you Jesus, I knew that I would find other PW's in the cyberworld that I
could relate with and seek advice. We are middle age (50) and only in
ministry since 1992(9 yrs 10 come July) We are in our first full time church
after serving bi-vocational for 4 years and supply pastor the first 1-2 years.
When we came to this church we knew God was opening another door for us as
He had in the past. You know God is fully in preparing the way - when
you are called into the ministry at age 42 after working as an Engineer for
23 years. We did not attend seminary as my husband felt God calling him to
preach the gospel to the lost. God has opened so many doors that only He
can do in such a short time for an untrained - inexperienced man called by
God. My husband is very smart and much of his learning is self study
and self taught and God gifted of course. We have been very happy in our
calling into the ministry and wish it had happened 20 years ago - but we
know everything is done in accordance to God's time. What I need help
and advice on is this - the church we are serving is died - spiritually -
oh the people are wonderful fine people but so cold and uncommitted to their
attendance and service for the Lord. My husband preaches his heart
out and no one ever responds with even and "Amen" except me. The former
pastor told us not to expect to grow a church or even get excited serving
here (others have tired longer with little response either). The people
in the church say they are just reserved and more reverent than some to
the "Alive" churches, that they worship in a quieter manner - not shouting
or showing signs of any spiritual life - but I wonder. How do I encourage
my husband to just keep preaching and doing his job when I see him so depressed
and down and wanting to go back to work in the secular world when I know
he really loves pastoring - but just needs encouragement. I pray and
try my best to keep him lifted up but I feel his pain each week as I observe
the lack of spirit in the congregation. I jsut don't know what to do
- HELP! We have been seeking other churches with pastor opening but
God has not opened another door yet.
jo 1/12/02 ok today
i am tired. not even sure where to begin. I guess to say i am
a vey strong woman with a strong personality. and well i have been
informed that i need to be a normal pastors wife when i questioned what is
a normal pastors wife i was then told. more passive, not opionioated,
able to talk to others, and not be so intimidating. This is coming
directly from the elders and right to my husband. My husband is wonderful
and totaly opposite from me. he is passive, loves to talk to peple
and hugs everyone. I on the other hand do not like touching people
i dont know and am very shy in new situations. It has gotten
to the point that 2 elders met with my husband to tell lhim i offended another
person and he needs to keep me in control. come to find out later
the ladies husband went to the elders and said what she said. It was
a she said he said they said and so on. but later
on it was found out that the things being said was not the truth. I
am tired this week. well thanks for listening
PW 1/19/02 I'm a
pastor wife and my question is. How do you just be yourself? I'm expected
to act a certain way. I get this all the time "you don't act like a pastor's
wife" I'm very friendly and I love to talk I sell Mary Kay and also Avon
so I'm friendly. My question is how does a pastor's wife act. Know matter
what I'm going to act my self just wanted to know is there any othes out
there that might be going true this type of thing.
ACT 1/21/02
I am concerned for you. If you focus too much time on what others think
you may get feeble knees. The only thing I think people want from Pastor's
wives is a sincere heart that loves God, a willingness to serve and live
out a Godly example the best you can and acknowledge when you don't but being
truly sorry for it. I think living out the life of Christ in truth and honesty
is the best any of us can do. Otherwise personality and expectations plays
a key factor in conflicts. Remember that peiople say what they and do what
they do because of what they truly believe. You can help them believe the
right way by telling them what God wants them to believe for own sake of
grace and freedom in Christ and for the sake of living out the light of
Christ to share with others.I hope you gain the confidence you need to be
Christ like in your temple and through the personality God gave you.
Goldfish 1/22/02
I honestly don't know how a pw is supposed to act and quite frankly
I gave up a long time ago trying to pretend! I am quite outgoing and
can be a little silly from time to time( though never in an embarrassing
way!) Trying to act the way people expect you to act will put you in the
loony bin( believe me!) Be who you are and the next time some narrow minded
person says something so silly tell them that you are just a human being
in your own right and not a position. hmmm... maybe I should take my own
advice :-)Anyway.. umm if you would like to corresopnd off the message board
let me know..
JUNE 1/20/02 I have
shed many tears over the past few months,my husband has been the senior pastor
for seven years,at the church ,we have been growing and felt it was gods
will to hire an associate pastor,we spent a great deal of time and our own
money hiring the associate.He has caused much heart ache and pain,He was
not honest with us from the begining,he waited till after he was hired to
tell us he had gotten a 14 year old girl pregant and he has been married
twice.IF HAD BEEN HONEST WE WOULD NOT HAVE HIRED HIM.HE WAS GIVEN THE JOB,
FULL TIME WITH THE YOUTH,HE WAS TO WORK 40 HOURS A WEEK , HE WOULD ONLY
WORK 13 HOURS A WEEK.HE TOLD MY HUSBAND HE WAS A MAN OF GOD, AND HE COULD
DO WHAT EVER HE WANTED TO DO. HE WOULD TELL PEOPLE GOD ONLY SPOKE TO HIM
AND DONT LISTEN TO THE SENIOR PASTOR. HE WAS FIRED AFTER WORKING 11 MONTHS
IN THE CHURCH.THE HURTFUL PART IS THAT HE TALKED THE TALK, BUT WOULD NOT
WALK THE WALK ,HE TOLD EVERYONE THAT HE ONLY CAN HEAR THE VOICE OF GOD AND
10 PEOPLE IN THE CHURCH ,PUT HIM UP AS IF HE IS GOD.
Sharon 1/23/02
I am truly sorry you had to go through this experience. But at
least you can learn from it. We all make mistakes, so don't beat
your head against a wall. However, to make sure this kind of thing
doesn't happen again, make sure that you check the references on his resume
and contact the last few churches he worked at. They can give you a
lot of insight and information that you will need to make your decision.
I would also suggest letting a committee hire the person. This way,
any mistakes (or successes) made does not fall only on one or two people's
shoulders and the church will feel more of a part of what's going on in the
church body. You should not be spending your own money. If the
church is hiring a new person then they should be the ones to "court" him
and the money should come from the budget. What's done is done.
Now, you have to move on and pray for God to mend the church. Pray that
those who were blinded by this man will have their blinders removed and they
will see him for what he really was. This will probably take some time
and may not happen until you have the right, godly man in that position.
Keep the faith and stay on your knees. You are in my prayers.
Goldfish 1/21/02
Well first, I wanted to thank the webmaster of this site for putting
it up. Great job!
Second, well, I guess this si
a a warning: I am going to vent and rant a little.I have been looking for
a place to rant and vent and maybe seek a little advice. My husband and I
have been married for 9 years now. We've been in 5 churches in our
8 and a half year ministry, and we have three YOUNG children (8,5,and 4)that
I home school. My husband grew up as a preacher's kid and knows first
hand how mean spirited church members can be sometimes - but I had to learn
things the hard way. A couple of years ago we were in a church that obviously
could'nt stand us. My husband had been considering leaving his position
as full time minister of youth and music but simply couldnt convince himself
thtat was what God wanted him to do. WEll,God made it abundantly clear
one day(after he had been crying out to God) Within a span of one week
we had been flooded out of our house and the church had decided to vote
out the pastor. DUring the business meeting I spoke out against this
and was told point blank by a church member that when they were done with
the pastor they were coming after us! Needless to say we didnt stick around.
BUt we were wounded.and considered leaving the ministry.for over a year we
lived as best we could I went through a bad time of depression (as did my
husband) and we struggled to make it financially.Finally we entered a church
in a part time role. WE didnt get very close to anyone(gun-shy) but the people
at this church were very kind to us and we did heal a great deal. Then
last summer we got a call from a church that was interested in calling my
husband full-time. I was against it. I really didnt want to get back in to
a position where we were REALLy in the ministry. but I guess God and my husband
had other plans. so we relocated and began work at this new church. The honey-moon
was over almost before it began! My husband is a full-time minister of youth
and music he is 29 years old and serving under a pastor who is younger(23)
and talks down to him . The pastors wife is very, ahem, aristocratic and
while she says she would like to get to know me better has done everything
in her power to avoid me like th plauge.( gee is it my breath?)the church
is trying to revive itsself. in the past it was one of the largest in the
area but has fallen into obscurity. The pastor wanted to make 'sweeping
changes' in the music and youth ministry and actually gave my husband cart
blanche but then turns around and checks him at every turn. The astors wife
has even begun to talk down to my husbnad even in front of other church
members(which really made my blood boil. BUt I guess the thing that has
finally broken this camels back was teh relaizations that nothing I have
been doing has made one bit of difference to anyone. My background , my gifts
, if you will, include music and theater and recently Ive included programming.
I would love to do these things outside of the church as well but I dont
have the time with three kids. So in the past 6 months I have started
a Drama team with the youth , joined the newly formed prais band(as both
a vocalist and violinist)and am the webmaster for the church's new website.
This past week was both our annivesarry and my birthday. Both were forgotten
because of all the church activities( there was a youth talent show as well
as normal rehersals and services). Its not worth it all! It would
be worth it if just once would hear(from an adult) good job, or that
was nice or even Happy birthday said in passing.I know Im not here for the
praise of man but I dont get anything for what Im doing. I sat in my bed
last night crying thinking of dismantling the website( I can do that since
I am paying for the site myself) and if it werent for the fact that
the youth have disovered a way that they can really serve that they also
enjoy I would do away with the drama team and quit the praise band(except
that that would create a stink and appear as if I wasnt supporting my husnabds
ministry.) My closest 'friends' in the church are anywhere from 12-16 years
of age and even then its a one sided friendship( as it should be in a case
like that) <sigh> ladies I am weary. I know, I know. Its my own doing.
but why? why does it have to be like this? why do we have to strive with
these people to do anything? why cant I take people at their word when they
invite us out and say things like we want you to feel like you an let down
your hair with us? Even as I sit here I am crying inside and out. Anyways,
If you made it this far into this post you deserve a gold star;) I did warn
you it would be something of a rant. Thank you for giving me the bandwidth.
Carli 1/27/02
I hear you and understand. I too have been in similar situations,
but have heart, God knows, God hears your cry, and God will take you through
this valley. My advice: 1) First, take time for yourself
away from kids and husband for a few days or one day for solitary quiet
and pure enjoyment. Take a pen and a journal and start recording your
thoughts good and bad. 2) Examine your own heart (don't worry
about others at this point and where they are at - people will always fail
us, but God will never fail us). Ask God to reveal if there is anything
you need to make right in your life and change if necessary. 3)
Focus on your husband and serve Him for the time being. 4) Focus on
your children and serve them for the time being. I believe sometime
we have to pull outselves "out" of ministry for a short time to refocus and
let God fill us up with his strength, humility and power so that we can better
serve those we directly are responsible with. Once you feel stronger,
than start branching out to others. I am also a youth pastor's wife
and I knknow how weary you must feel. We too were attacked once in
our ministry by the senior pastor and it was horrible, untrue and so discouraging.
But we learned that we MUST rise above, praise God for what he taught us,
and asked him to change anything in our life that we done wrong. We
are still healing, but we are healing. JUST REMEMBER .... PEOPLE ARE
NOT PERFECT ... PEOPLE WILL ALWAYS LET YOU DOWN ... GOD WILL NEVER!
Find your REST, your strength and you answer for HIM alone. You are
precious in the sight of God.
June 1/22/02 My
husband has recently felt God call him to a different kind of ministry.
I am struggling with this as I quite like being a pastor's wife. I
love our church and am quite involved in a rewqrding ministry. I'm feeling
insecure because there is a lot uncertainty about how we will live during
the transition. I know I have to trust God to work out the details
but how can I align my feelings with what God is calling my husband to.
i am willing to be obedient but I would like the feelings to follow.
Any coping tools out there?
mary 1/23/02 Hello,
I am a pastor's kid, not a pastor's wife. I am writing to ask if hidden
depression
is a problem for pastor's wives.
After 30-plus years of marriage, my mom has decided she no longer thinks
she wants to be married to my dad. She says she sacrificed so much for him
over the years of their marriage and his ministry that she never got to
know herself. My dad is stunned and so are we kids. So far, she hasn't left,
but she isn't sure she wants to work on the marriage. She is in therapy
but won't let my dad go with her. She won't talk to me about these issues.
Apparently she has been faking happiness for so many years. She did a good
job because she fooled all of us. Is this behavior something that any of
you have seen in other clergy wives or perhaps even felt yourself? Any advice
would be so appreciated.
Mom 2/6/02 I
read your story about your Mom. I felt like I had written it. It is identical
to what my parents are going through only for the second time around together.
They got divorced at 26 years of marriage for same reasons as your parents,
they remarried a year later. Now they are sepperating again because they
never worked through their problems from the beginning. The first time was
real hard for me because I didn't quite know who I was yet. This time I feel
more secure in who I am, I am more concerned about them. Like you I don't
hear much about there problems, I am kinda glad because ther's nothing worse
then hearing your parents bad mouth each other and then watch it eat away
at you and bad mouth them back to your husband and then it gets into the
whole family. All I can do is keep praying for them and really trust God
in them to do the right thing. If they don't I pray that they will draw close
to God while they are apart and be transformed individually, they need to
have a relationship with God individually without relying on one another codependantly
in order to change their old habits and behaviors. Anyway, I guess just know
that you can have peace if your trust is in God, without your parents trusting
God too. They are in the hands of a Mighty Warrior. His name is Jesus Christ!
Searching for Spirtual Guidance
1/24/02 I have recently moved back to the state of TN. I was
preached out of sin a few years ago by an Evangelist name Particia Lewis
who lives somewhere in Memphis. I am in need of spirtual Moral Support
and Guidance and restoration in the will and ways of God. I may soon become
a PW and I don't want any unclean things in my spirit before that time come.
In other words i'm desperately seeking help. I have prayed and prayed for
deliverance of some issues in my life. And it seems so hard to make the
sacrificies I know I need to make. I am seeking this woman because
I know who she is. I do not know where else to go except to you. If anyone
in this club knows where I can find Evangelist P. Lewis PLEASED e-mail me
at the above e-mail address, I would be for ever greatful for you support.
I am not currently involved in any ministries here in TN and I know that
I need not only to be feed but to feast abundantly on God's word. D.
McKlinkin put it mildly when he said "A Saint is just a sinner who fell down."
I've fallen and can't get up so please HELP me. Help me come back
to God where I know I belong before greater traumas come over my life.
I know that out of all the Women in this club there has to be one here who
feels my spirit and God will speak to your heart on my behalf. Otherwise
he would not have lead me here. I will be forever grateful for you
help. Thank you ladies and BE BLESSED
Katie F. 1/25/02
Hello Pastor's Wives!! I'm not one, in fact I'm only 18, but I
was earching online for ministry vocations to look into as I seek out God's
will for me. I came upon this site and read through all of these.
I just wanted to thank all of you for your ministry. I know you work
as hard as your husbands and you take care of your families too, while receiving
little credit and living under a fishbowl. Yours is a tremendously
effective ministry! Please know that there are many of us out there
who love and respect you, holding you up in prayer. Thanks especially
to those of you who take the time to minister outside of your "duties"-like
to students and such. We love you!!!
Blessed 1/31/02
Greetings Ladies, In the Name of the Father,Son, and the Holy Ghost.
I have read several of the questions posted. First of all I must tell you
that I am a Pastor's Wife and have been for some time now. If we pray and
seek God in all we do then there is nothing for us to worry about. Firt
of all, all mariages are NOT ordained in heaven,so we have to very careful
of advice that we give one another. I would like for every Pastor and Pastor
Wive's that read this message to let's begin destroying satin's kingdom
all over this land. Most of the time you will hear people say let's all
pray at 12:00 Noon, But God has shared with me to share with you that if
we all begin praying at 7:00 am. (a complete number in chirst),and watch
what OUR GOD CAN DO all over the United States. Let's start taking back what
the devil has taken from us. Let's claim our joy,love,peace,happiness,lost
souls, health, finances, prosperity, let's take it all back in the NAME
OF JESUS. Let's share after 30 days of you reading this letter what God has
done for US. God bless EACH PASTOR AND PASTOR'S WIVES AND FAMILES. LOVE YOU
ALL MY BROTHER'S AND SISTER'S IN CHRIST. BLESSED!
Angry PW 2/7/02
I know that marriages were not made in heaven but they were not made in
hell either. I read these letter from the first ladies and my heart
goes out to them. It is easy for us to say that God will work things
out because we know it is true but we also need to realize the hurt and
pain these women are going through. I have been a pastor's wife for
30 years and for a lot of it I have gone through "heck" to put it nicely.
Not from the members but from my husband the pastor. I have supported
the ministry that we started to gether. I do not interfer with his duties.
I stay in my placed. I have endured his drinking, smoking, cursing
me out, inappropiate affair. I have even been hit twice but quickly
but a stop to that. I have gone through tremdous financial embarrassment
because of his gambling habits. I have suffered major illness due to
the stress of my marriage and had no supoort from him while I was sick.
I've endured some things that I won't even say but it hurts.I have walked
over negativity, my hurting and wounded spirit Sunday after Sunday and smile
because that is what a pastor wife is suppose to do. I have helped
other while my heart is breaking. I am bitter and I can't love my husband
the way I should because of the things he has done. I believe that
there are some good pastors out there that treat there wives right. I believe
there a couples out there that have gone through what we have been
through and God has delivered because someone hung in there. I would
like to hear from you. I am not neive to think that there are any perfect
marriages, although there might be but I do believe that ministers are held
to a higher standard and somethings are not acceptable behavior (affairs,
cursing, smoking, drinking, pornography, physical or emotional abuse).
I have stayed because of my children, I stay because of my church, I stay
because I'm asking and believing God for a break through and because I want
to love him but I am bitter and angry. I have worked all our married
lives (except 4 years when my children were first born) so he could be full
time minister. I was expected to cook, clean, take care the kids, make
ever service, be available for sex and run his errands and not be tired.
It was my job to have all the clothes clean, taken to the cleaners and take
care all the bills. Through periods of depression when he wouldn't
even come to church I upheld the ministry always keeping him before the people
while performing all my other duties. I have cover his sins and keep
them our secret because the scripture says "love covers a multitude of side
but now I am angry. When he made up his mind to pastor the church
(he is a pretty good one)then he lectures me on what I'm not doing.
He never said thank you. It's like his insecurity makes him have to
put me down to be lifted up. When young women come to me for counsel about
some of the same things I going through, I could be crying inside but I try
to give them godly advise and not go by what I feel. My husbandhas
changed somethings (doesn't spend as much on gambling, not having any affairs)
and now he expect me to give him love and respect as though he has been the
respectful pastor and loving and caring husband. I can't
at this time because the inner things have not changed. I want him to recognize
what I have been to him, and the ministry. I want him to say I have
done some wrong things to you and I am sorry. I want him to abandon
those things that are not of God and let us be the couple and family God
purposed us to be. What I have become is the great pretender. I pretend
a lot with him. I go alone to get alone but my spirit is filled with
negative things. I do it because I'm trying of arguing. Any time
I bring up what is bother me his response it well let get a divorce.
When I turned that around and said I was leaving he didn't want that.
Some times my head is spining and my spirit is weak. I don't accept these
things because they are not of God but I understand what caused them and
I seek God daily for His deliverance and help. I don't want bitterness in
my heart. I also seek him for my husband whom I believe deep inside is called
and does love God but he also is bound. There are things in this
life that I can not understand but with the little light I still have I
try to focus on the good and the blessing. I hang in there believing
that God can and will deliver. Being a Pastor's wife is one of the
hardest jobs I know and the only one that we should look to for complete
love, understanding and comfort is God as we pray that He would send the
deliverance and help to fix our homes, marriages and situations in our
church. I love you and understand what you are going through.
I will keep you in my prayers. Please pray for me.
Missy 2/8/02 I am
not a pastors wife, but I am a woman minister, I am also an armer barer to
my pw. God has always seem to place me & my husband close to our pastors
through out the years. I have seen the good, bad & ugly. I have never
nor will I betray my pw. The pressuer, expectations and the call
itself, is tremendious. The trust level is understandably low in
pw. Reading though this site has not surprised me at all, and I praise
God for it. What I have heard personlly is "what/where is my place" from
pw. Faithful First Ladies; I would say to you: Bless the Lord, know you
are fearfully and wonderfuly made, unique in who you are and your place
in the Kingdom of God. You are not to be carbon copies of each other but
you are to reflex the beauty of the Lord Jesus Christ, He delights in you
and how he made you, your personality is from Him. Any changes needed He
will accomplish in His timing. Allow the Holy Spirit to flow though you,
to heal you, to bring you joy & peace. Lose yourself in Him (not in
your husband or the congragation) then you will find yourself in Him. I
pray encouragement to you all, "Thank you for standing in your place even
when you wanted to run. Thank you for being the shoulder I cryed on,
Thank you for helping me grow in the grace of God. Thank you for being real!"
May the Lords face shine upon you all.
so-sad 2/11/02
Hello, I really need prayer. Im a PW. Our home is so unhappy that
all I think about is death. I really dont want to live. I am crying all the
time inside and out. I try to talk to my husband bu he has no time for
talk when it comes to me or is hurting kids. I tell him I want to die but
it islike he desnt even respond. I dont think I would commit suicide mosty
because I dont want my kids to hurt. I am so unhappy I hav been praying for
years abou our home problems. I think I am so discouaged. Please dont write
me about all the things I should do and all the things God can and will do.
I know the word I have given council before using and believng the word.
I worry about my one child because I believe they are so sad that I cant
do a thing about it. Ihave talked to my husband about this also but it also
gets quikly dismissed. We are always dismissed it seems. Please pray.
Sheila 2/24/02
It breaks my heart to read what you write, I can feel your dispair in
your words and I don't have any real encouraging words except I've been
there and I'm not even sure I am over it yet but I think it's great that
there is a place where we can release our hurts like this and that we can
hold each other up. You need to know there are other pastor wives who do care
and would do anything they could to help you. Please know that no matter what
other people say about the way you should be, Gods ways are not like our
ways,and he sees you and he loves you just as you are and he is not happy
that you are hurting. I pray he sends you a touchable friend to help you through
these time in your life and I would like to be your friend. I have been a
pastor's wife for 20 years and I really have a heart for all pastor's wives
and I pray I never get so successful in the ministry that I forget what it's
like to be just starting out and struggling or the times when I cried for
a friend and wanted God to just send someone to lean on. I will pray for
you and I hope I hear from you.
Tina 2/12/02 Hello
Ladies, I need some advice from other minister's wives. My husband
was a pastor of a small church for 6 years. He started a new position
in January, Associate Minister of Missions. He also has two other
jobs. He is a Chaplain reservist for the Air Force and works one night
a week at the local hospital as a chaplain. The problem lies in his
new position. He leaves for work at 8:30am. He rarely gets home
before 8pm each evening. He has some Fridays off, but does work part
of the day on Saturday and is at church ALL day on Sunday. We have
3 children ages 8, 6, and 8 months. Our youngest has had health problems
recently. I work out of our home with my daycare business to make
ends meet. My husband comes home tired and seldom spends quality time
with the kids. Last week, he saw them a total of 5 hours of course
not counting when they were asleep, but still in the same house and not
counting when they were at school. I want to talk to the minister of
missions or possibly the senior pastor. I feel like he needs to spend
more time with his family. He works so much as a combination of that's
what the minister of missions wants and he wants. The kids have stopped
asking when daddy is coming home each evening. We try to go to the
church and spend as much time as we can with him during the week when he
is there after regular hours. I'm frustrated and feel like a single
mother raising 3 children. Anyone have suggestions?
Sharon 3/4/02
God created the family before he created work. You and your children
should be his first priority then his church and work. My father used
to be a workaholic. When we moved to a new place (I was 13 at the
time with two older sisters) the other staff of the church saw how much
my dad was working and they were the ones who told him that he didn't have
to be the first one there and the last one to leave. They helped
him realize that his family comes first, not before God, but before work.
With their help, my dad began to take his day off instead of working every
single day and he let others open and close the building. After that,
his health began to improve as did our family health. We became a
much stronger and tighter family after that. I stongly suggest that
you talk with your husband about this situation (after you pray and ask for
God to give you the right words to say) and help him realize that he is hurting
his family and himself. He may need to give up an activity to make
more time or simply cut back on his hours, that decision if for you to make
together. Bathe this in prayer and then approach your husband.
Problems can never fixed if they are not addressed. God bless you and
I will be praying for you.
Vashti 2/16/02
Iv'e been a PW for 13 years. I have a problem with my own mother. My
father pastored 3-4 times and each time when the going got tough he would
quit until he gave it up completely. NOw they are members of our church.
My mother and I never had a close relationship I guess it was because she
worked full time as well as helping my father in the pastorate. Besides that
she is a very loud and domineering woman and I am timid. So when I was growing
up she was very critical and thought she didn't like me so I stayed mostly
to myself in my room and that seem find with her so there was never a mother
daughter bond. Now as the PW she treats me as if Im a child and doesn't respect
me as the PW. Recently she attack me for something that I had no control over
and I respond heatedly to her accusation. My husband overheard her and told
me I had reacted wronglyand that there is something down in me from my childhood
that caused me to react the way I did. She is open about our lack of relationship
and blames me, saying, "You know when you were growing up you never talked
to me." And I say to myself have you ever asked yourself why?" Now, it seems
as if we are in some sort of competition for the affection of the members
of our church. I don't want to feel I have to compete with her I know as
the PW I can't influence everyone and if she can help those I can not she
is being a help to the ministry. Why does it have to be a competition? Help
Im bewildered.
faith 2/21/02
It could for a number of reasons, but here is what came to my mind when
reading your story. I too didn't bond with my mom outwardly nor inwardly.
Sometimes I had feelings for her that are bonding type feelings. But when
I'd step out she would shoot me down instantly with correction, sarcasm,
etc. I don't think my Mom and I were ever on the same page unless I came to
be of same mind with her usually through her manipulation of the situation
and manipulating my feelings. It seeemed to soothe her any way. I have come
to understand that she didn't have a good relationship with her Mom and never
really dealt with her true feelings about her mom. I believe she was always
competing for mom's attention and never got it. She was raised in a Nursing
Home for a home, and had to work, work , work all the time changing bed sheets
and pans, cleaning bathrooms etc. for other old people that couldn't do
things for themselves. So when she had kids and they were old enough to
clean up after themselves (us kids) she raised us very independantly so
that she wouldn't have to clean any more. Also, she wasn't able to bond with
her kids because she was never able to bond with her mother and didn't have
it in her to give let alone even know how. So I have know let her into my
heart to love her with God's love the way I wanted to be loved and yet in
a way let her go too because I know she can't return it most of the time
and that's Ok with me now because i know that it's a work only God can do.
God makes me whole, not my Mom. I am sorry though that your having to go
through this. The best advice I can give you is to ask God to show how to
love her and what kind of a heart you need for her. You may have to allow
God to remove some expectations you have of what a Mom should do and raise
your standards and do them yourself. You'll be a better, happier you.
Whooh 2/19/02
My husband is called to the ministry. I know he is. He feels it too. he feels
that he he called to pastor. But what do we do with it. Where do we go.
What do we do next. Do we talk to the Pastor and what do we say? i guess I
always thought that when you were called our Pastor would tell us God told
him to tell us what God wanted us to do. But we feel something really strongly
on the bnottom of our gut that God is calling us outside of ourselves to
serve a flock. I always thought we'd be teaching sunday school forever or
the pastor would tell us otherwise. We feel kinda foolish, like what if he
thinks we're not, or what if this, what if that. Is it normal to question
a possible reproach from others or is that doubting God's plan. And if we
are doubting does that we're not called or does it mean we are being disoebeient
to God'call. I don't get this kinda stuff. The Bibile doesn't tell how
it happens or does it?
Sharon 3/4/02
If you and your husband are sure of God's calling then you must follow
God's will. You may receive reproach from some but that doesn't really
mean anything. There are always people who doubt everything.
You must follow what God has told you. Doubt (or rather questioning)
is a natural reaction (just don't go overboard with it). Moses questioned
God, but He followed God's will and look at all the great things he did!
As for your Pastor, God may or may not let him be aware of what you and
your husband need to do. Just because the pastor hasn't said anything
doesn't mean you're not called. God may be testing you to see if you're
really willing to follow Him. When I was in college I felt that I
might have been called to do Summer Missions. I prayed with a friend
for God to show me the way He wanted me to go. Within a few days,
God made it known to me that I was not to go on Summer Missions that year.
It was more of a test to see if I was truly willing to follow God wherever
He may lead. I was ready and willing but that was not what God had in store
for my life. I know you and your husband have been praying, continue
to do so. If you're still not sure, ask God for a specific sign so
that you will know without a doubt that this is what He wants you to do.
Also, talk to your pastor, he can give you insight and help in getting started
in the field of ministry. If you have prayed about this decision and
have truly heard God's calling then you cannot ignore it. God bless
and have faith.
Don't put up with it
2/24/02 For all those lady's who's husbands are abusing them or
comitting adultry don't be nice and suffer. The biggest lie in being
a pastors wife is that you are called to be nice no!!!! Men will never
change if you are nice to them they will only lose respect {I don't know
why that is men are so different} but being brave and honest and upfront
will. They need to be held accountable for the way they treat you and
if they are not prepared to change they shouldn't be in ministry they are
hypocrites and there whole mininistry will be a waste of time and will not
bring glory to God. It will only distroy your life and others.
God would honor you more for being brave and making a stand than suffering
for his wrong doing. Don't be afraid God will be with you.
Overwhelmed 2/26/02
HELP!!! I am new at this and in need of a mentor. We just recently
started a ministry a little over 5 months ago and I really need someone
to talk to. It's hard to develop close friendships among the congregation
because as a PW you are looked upon differently than everyone else and that's
fine, it's just that at the church where we came from my PW didn't want
to be one and therefore wasn't a very good example of how to be one so if
there is anybody out there interested in being a mentor to someone who is
willing to be mentored to please get my email and respond. Thanks
God Bless
shelly 3/15/02
I have been a PW for 18 years, Please never put down a PW, EACH PW IS
VERY SPECIAL IN GODS EYES. YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT BURDENS SHE MAY HAVE.,PLEASE
THINK TWICE BEFORE YOU PUT OTHER PW DOWN, WHAT MAKES YOU THE EXPERT.REMEMBER
YOU HAVE ONLY BEEN A PW FOR A FEW MONTHS, YOU WILL HAVE MANY BURDENS, SO
JUDGE NOT ,BECAUSE YOU WILL BE JUDGED.
Penny 3/4/02 Hi
ladies, I'm afraid I'm just not cut out for ministry. My husband doesn't
require much of me and I think that's great. We are very supportive of one
another. I love to minister to people. But I get the feeling all the time
that other's grab for conclusions because I don't fit their idealisms. I
don't understand subtlties. I like things crystal clear. it can take me days
sometimes before I figure out what people really mean or want from me if they
are passive, subtle, soft spoken or gracious. If I sense someone is wanting
me to do something but it doesn't come across clearly, I don't do anything
until I am 100% sure that's what they are wanting and then I pray about it
specifiaclly, by that time they've moved on to someone else and I'm left
in the dust. I usually figire out that God wanted someone else todo it in
the first place. But the people around me that thought I was supposed to
do it, feel like I've missed God and missed my chance, if I wanted to do
it i would have stepped out and they don't want to push me. Two different
perceptions of the the same circumstance. I feel like I'm on a constant rollercoaster
trying to figure out where God really is. It doesn't fit my personality to
play guessing games, I guess that makes a reluctant leader in their eyes,
but in my heart I keep telling God it's Got to be loud and clear like, "Will
you lead worship or will you (specific)? Instead they say, " I know God has
gifted you in many areas and we have a lot of things to do like worship, teaching,
prayer etc. let us know what you'd like to do? So then I pray about it, God
doesn't say anything, I tell them that I'd be willing anyways but I need
a specific request and pretty soon they've moved on. I feel like they are
just asking to ease me. Like I said I don't hear through subtle statements
or questions. I don't know why? My husband says it rigt in front of nose
but I can't see it because God wants me to step out in faith. That makes
me feel like Jonah running from God, only I don't know what God has told
me to do because I haven't heard him tell me or show me. I am blinder than
a bat I guess. Help me anybody!
Blessed in 2002 3/4/02
I just wanted to recommend a great book that waswritten just for us!
It is called, Do You Hear the Battle Cry? An Essential Handbook for Wives
of Christian Men. It is written by a pastor's wife and was really helpful.
It taught me stand firm in prayer for my husband and to aware of the attacks
of Satan against our marriage. If Satan can tear our marriage apart he
will be successful in destroying the ministry that God called us to.
Read it and take up your strong position.
Mel 3/5/02 Hello,
I am not a pastor wife, I came to this site due to a research project.
But from reading some of your stories, from 1997 until 2002, I have a new
found respect for the Pastor Wife. I do pray for my pastor wife, since
she is new to our church (1yr), and I understand some of the problems they
inherited from our previous pastor. But now I will pray for all pastor's
wives. May God keep all of you and richly bless you.
So Stressed! 3/6/02
I am a PW of 9 years and am really feeling so stressed and overwhelmed!
I am working full time and have 2 daughters (ages 8 & 20 mths.).
With our church growing rapidly and our children very active in sports,
piano, etc..., I don't feel that we have the family time we need. How
do you balance your time? During the week, we don't have dinner together
as a family, but maybe 2 nights. I love my church and my family....but
there isn't enough time! Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!
Sharon 3/15/02
You must remember that you do not have to be at the church "every time
the doors are open". Yes, we are there a lot, but you must make time
for your family. God created the family before he created the church.
You will probably just have to say no to some of those extra activities.
People should understand (they have families too) and if they don't then
you will have to help them understand. As for your children's activities.
Don't overload them. In my opinion, they should only have one, maybe
two, extra activities. You don't want to burn them out at an early
age. Let them choose an activity to do for one year. If they
like it and want to continue, that's fine. If they don't like it then
at the end of the year they can try something else. This will teach
them to be committed and allows them to try different things. Also,
be sure that you are not pushing things on them. Let them make the decisions
with you. It will teach them problem solving and help them know how
much you support them. A suggestion for time at home: set aside
a night to be Family Night, a night with NO outside activities. Everyone
either stays home and does something special together like playing a game
or everyone goes out to do something special, like a movie. Think of
it as a "date night" for the family. Your children will really appreciate
the special time you and your husband spend with them and when they get older
(teens) they will most likely want to continue that special time with you.
Living busy lives is not easy. Slow down a little, and stop to "smell
the roses". You'll be glad you did. God Bless.
la, pastor wife 3/8/02
i have been a pastor wife for seven years ijust want to talk to otherpastor
wifes to see if they are having the same problems i am having.
Suz 3/11/02 My husband
and I have just left a wonderful church of 10 years to "revitalize" a small,
struggling church. Through the process of trying to discern the will of God
we concluded it was God's will for us to come here but now I feel as though
we have made a huge mistake! I wonder if we missed God's leading and now
I don't know what to do! We have two small children and this move has been
difficult for them but they are adjusting. My husband has the same thoughts
and feelings I have and we talk about them but aren't sure if these are normal
questions everyone has during transition or if the Lord is speaking to us.
We have never been so uncertain of things in our life as we are now. This
has been good for our marriage. It has shown us that we have to keep a balance
in our lives with God first, family second and the church/ministry down the
line. We are both very involved in ministry - my husband a senior pastor
and I a worship leader. We love the ministry and have been privileged to
be part of, what we believe is, a wonderful, healthy, growing church. Did
we make a mistake and if we did - what now?
Keep going forward
3/14/02 Since God told you to go to that church, do not lose heart.
You did not "miss God". What you are experiencing is resistance from the
enemy. You are walking into his territory, into a church that he thought
he could keep in a spiraling down pattern. God has sent you there to
turn it around and raise it up. The devil is not just going to sit
back and let you bring the life of God back into that church and into those
people. He is bringing out the "big guns" against you and your husband
and your family through doubt and problems. But God has equipped you
with BIGGER GUNS!!! The Word of God used in prayer. The fierce anger
of the Lord that rises up in you against the enemy. Discernment. Obedience
that makes your prayers more powerful. Please do not give up! This
is what you were called to do and GOD will give you the victory! ***I
pray that God will shine His light on your lives and situations so everything
may be visible and clear (Eph. 5:13) so that the enemy will not be able
to hide in the darkness anymore and you can understand the great power that
is at work in and for us who believe (Eph. 1:18-20). For the sake of
the lost people and this struggling church (I see this new church as bigger
and even more full of LIFE than your previous church!) and for the entire
kingdom of God...Keep Going Forward!
baby girl down south
3/11/02 Hello Sisters in christ. I am a pastor's wife of five
years now and for the last 12 months I have been dealing with the problem
of unforgiveness toward two people in my congregation: one of them is my very
own husband. He truly is a pastor called by God but last year this time I
came across some information that let me know that he was giving more than
ordinary attention to a woman in our church who was going through an abusive
relationship with her unsaved husband. He was talking to this woman on his
cell phone a number of times , sent her flowers, and had a few other meetings
with this woman. I told him how I felt about it and he says that he has never
had an affair with her but my spirit tells me different. He has ask
me to forgive him for any of his actions that have hurt me but this is the
hard part: Having to go to our small 50members) church and face this woman.
She keeps her distance from me and I do the same and although I know that
I need to just "heap coal of fire" of love on her I just have this stronghold
that will not set my mind free about them. I have prayed, cried, talk to others
that I thought could help me but nothing seems to be working. Can somebody
please help me? I just can't shake this devil off...
someonecares 3/21/02
I totally understand your feelings in this situation. Remember
that satan is an accuser and it seems that your husband does love you because
of his humility in asking forgiveness for
what may have hurt you.
Don't focus so much on whether or not he had an affair. It will not help
your situation. Take what you have found and pray for your husband
daily. Cover him in every area especially in this area. Instead
of talking to others about the situation, talk to God. Pray for your marriage
to be covered and for the Lord to keep your husband strong to resist temptations.
Also ask the Lord to help you to be the wife that your husband desires.
You can't control others, but you have control over your own actions.
Spend time with God working on being a good wife. Let God do the work on your
husband and the other woman. Be kind to her but don't be fake.
Use wisdom. Also if there is still a need for someone to talk to, ask
the Lord to send you an accountability partner. Someone who will listen
and pray for you. So many times when we are desperate we tell the first
person who comes along and seem interested and it can become more of a problem.
They will spread what you say and before you know it, it is out of control.
Pray for a Godly woman who is discreet. Like the woman mentioned
in Titus 2. I pray that God will heal your marriage and that He will
bless you to be the wife that He has called you to be. I pray that
you will have favor with your husband and he will desire only you. God bless
you!
baby girl down south
3/25/02 thank you someone that cares for your response. This website
is truly a blessing for me being that I do not have a mentor to vent to
right now but I will do as you have said and I ask every PW that reads this
web sight to pray WITH ME for my marriage, my children and most of all that
I will be that mighty woman of God he has called me to be. God Bless You
ALL!!!
jo 3/19/02 good
day ladies. I just want to remind you all that God does love you as
you and now one else. and avoid that pastor wives box that people
like to create. God has called you and your husband into the ministry
for His purpose and He knows who you are and what you like and what you
can do. So why do we allow others who are not all knowing to tell
us different?? Being a pastors wife is the hardest job i have ever
done and the most trying. But i keep reminding myself "I just got
to be ME" and no one else and that it is ok to say NO NO NO and it
is ok to have a 3 year old boy that at times likes to be all boy and a 8
year old girl that likes to be different in fashion and hair and spirit
and now a new born that will also have a personality all his own.
And when i am questioned on items i have learned to smile and say hum that
is intrusting that you think that and off to another subject. Also
ladies remember the most important thing you can do for your husband is
be his greatest supporter and pray pray pray. you are in the front
lines of battle and you are going to need back up and God is the only one.
remember say NO to the box, say no to people and pray pray pray for youself
and your husband and please i beg you be yourself God knows
who you are and that is why he called you into this position why mess it
up by pretending to be someone else??
looking for encouragement
3/22/02
I feel like such a freak. I am the homeschooling wife of a youth
pastor. When we came to our current church, we were told by some
that it would be impossible for my DH to minister to children who are publicly
educated, since we homeschool. I have youth minister friends who
stopped homeschooling in order for the Dad to become a youth minister.
We are sure that God has asked us to do both--however there are those in
the church who are not supportive. My DH's ministry is growing, but
I feel very snubbed by the folks in the church. Are there *any* youth
pastors' wives out there who homeschool?
jo 4/4/02 my
husband is the pastor and youth pastor at our church. I am an at home
mom with three children one whom i home school. we are a young family
and the school system is a very good one around us. yet through lots
of prayer we feel that the best place for our family is to be home schooled.
now does this affect our ministery? I would hope not. do we
understand how to minister to school kids. yes by the wisdom from
God. I struggle with any one saying that he can not be affective because
of our descision for our family. The question I have is how can you
minister to broken families when yours is whole? Kids doing drugs when
yours never did? Abuse when you don't abuse? and what about the youth
pastors who do not have children can they be affective or youth pastors with
young children and not teens?? sounds to me that someone needs something
to complain about and well they picked home schooling. if you feel
that the best thing for yourfamily and children is homeschooling then keep
it up you only get your children once. Just pray that God will comfort you
and that He will change the minds of others.
Cath 4/9/02
I am a Pastor's wife who Homeschools in a denomination which are not
very supportive to the HS way of thinking, we are constantly under pressure
(or were) to change or give up, although we were never told directly to give
up the pressure was unspoken, we were also to keep quiet about it....in
otherwords don't propagate it. We thankfully were not actual Pastors in
this church but were in the Leadership team and closely related with all
of the Pastors. I found that persistance has won the race now after
5 years, there is a general acceptance and even respect for our stand our
children are obedient. complient and full of personality and joy, no they
are not perfect nor would I expect them to be, but people can see the benefits
of our stand (though they would not do it themselves) I did not push
my point of view EVER, nor did I argue with people, yes I answered their
questions politely but I was fairly reserved in my comments. I vowed and
declared that I would never appear Kooky or fanatical, but made Homeschooling
my lifestyle that was just the same as the Schooling was their's, I never
made value judgements about people who sent there kids to school and empathised
with all people who had problems with their chn in school without recommending
Homeschool. It was hard at times but eventually I believe that the tides
will change in attitude towards Homeschooling families. So keep your
head low, endeavour to excell, give the devil no room to accuse you (just
cover your bases, don't try to be the perfect Pastor's Wife, but do your
best) Try to ignore comments and negative looks and attitudes, trust in what
God has told you. Above all DON'T JUDGE others just love, love, love
then on top of that love again But on a personal level I want to encourage
you and say stick to your Guns, it is a hard call but don't give up no man
has the right to dictate to you how you raise your children ultimately you
will have to answer NOT your leadership. Don't be rebellious but firmly and
graciously refuse to bow to the ungodly pressure that requires you to sacrifice
something that God has spoken to your heart. That is certainly NOT God. I
have been schooling for 5 or so years and have been Pastoring, a Pastor's
wife or in Leadership for ALL of this time. It's great when we go to conferences
YES with all of the children we have 5 now!.....we are a novelty to say the
least- most people just ask if we've had anymore kids then call us crazy!!!!!
People can be very strange, how can a child God gives you drive you crazy......(Well
I admit there are some days......BUT everyone has days like this, even the
women at work,2 kids at school!!!! TRUE?) My intent is not to be judgemental,
but practical, keep plodding dear one, and keep near to Jesus, He is the
one who will see you through.
Wed-Night Habitual Hooky Playing
Pastors Wife 3/27/02 I have one question, for you all, my
pastor's wives peer group. Let me give you background first (in hopes
that it makes my case, LOL) I have three kids. One grown, and
2 at home, 11 & 16. I work full time. My husband works full
time as well as Pastor full time. We have a small church but it is
growning now like never before. Weve just hit the 50 mark after like 6 years
0f being 25-30. Anyways, I play hookey 3 out of 4 Wed. nights a month.
My husband goes there straight after work, and I go home at 5, and get the
kids and then do one of two things: I bring them to church and drop
them off (its like 10 miles from our house) PS we don not have a parsonage
nor does my husband even recieve a salary)(I dont know why I feel I
had to mention that) . . .anyways I drop them off, so they can go to thier
classes, and I leave, I go home. I dont go shopping, I dont go to the
mall, and I dont go bowling. I go home and clean the house. I
find that its a perfect time to be alone and get my chores done. (
I am not a very good housekeeper, and by Wed, the house is usally a mess).
Or the second thing I may do is tell my husband to come home and get the
kids, because I am not going. Bad pastors wife? My husband hates that
I do that. We fight every single Wed. over this. Even if Im planning
on going, he doesnt know for sure and starts the morning off mad at me because
its Wed, and he thinks Im not going. Of course the reason being I am
'not supportive' of him. I support him! I work 40 hours a week,
I cook and clean and shop which makes a way for him to be there. I
play piano on Sunday Morning, (which I never miss) and am everything else
Im 'suppose' to be. But I dont like going to church on Wed. nights.
Im tired! Even if Im tired, I clean, maybe cuz i feel guilty about
not going. What do you all as my peers think about my Wed. Night truency?
4/12/02
I feel for you but.......In love I want to tell you your problem is a
bad attitude. I'm sorry to have to break it to you.Maybe even mixed with
a little bitterness. I understand you're tired, we are all tired, but our
husbands are too. Your husband works 40 hours a week as well as you, plus
he must prepare sermons,lessons, deal with church problems, and that is another
full time job on it's own. I think your guilt may be the Holy Spirit
convicting you. Please don't misunderstand me because I've been where you
are. I am a missionary/Pastors wife and I did'nt want to be here for well
over 3 years. Anyway, I made it very difficult for my husband to Pastor many
times by not being there in every service when I could be there. You mentioned
about housework.....you have an 11 and 16 year old? Delegate some chores
for them!! If your church is growing your husband does need your support
more than ever. Even if it is seeing your face (smiling preferably) among
the congregation. Also, we as women want to be an example to our children.
If our children see us not attending church when we could be there, then
at some point they will think it is okay for them to not attend as well.
Not only that, it's not good for them to see the tention between you and
your husband. I pray you will take this advice from someone who's "been there
and done that" and not take offence.
Sara 3/29/02 Hello
ladies! I just found this board today and it is an answer to prayer! I have
a difficult situation. I have been dating a man for 2 years. He is Assemblies
of God, and I am southern Bapist. He is called to be a pastor and is in
the middle of getting his certificate. God put us together in a quite unique
way and we believe God truly made us for each other. I am prepared to leave
my denomination and follow my future husband in his ministry. I believe God
has given us both spiritual gifts that are for this purpose.We have a problem,
his father is also a Assembly pastor. And is wife ( whom I am very close
to and we love eachother) thinks that she should influence my boyfriend to
"talk" to an assembly girl that she came in contact to at a district meeting.
I have been very hurt by this and am just looking for advice. I am doing
all I can and praying and studying and trying to prepare myself, butt his
latest move by his mother has thrown me for a loop. Any thought or suggestions?
Please feel free to put them here or e-mail me. Thank you in God's love,
Sara
Sharon 4/4/02
If you and your fiance are truly positive that it is God's will for you
to be married then there is nothing his mother can or should do. She
must respect the decision being made by her son and deal with it. If
she has concerns then she needs to talk it out with her son (and maybe you
also). But he will need to be the one to put her mind at ease.
He needs to tell his mother that he loves you truly and that you are the
one God has set aside to be his mate. There always comes a time when
we have help our parents realize that we are grown up and have to make our
own decisions. His time just may have come a little earlier than expected.
If she cannot accept this then at that point all you can do is pray that
God will change her heart and help her to see His will. A little story
for you: My parents were kind of in the same situation as you and your
fiance (slightly different though). My mother grew up Southern Baptist
and my father grew up Assembly of God. After they got engaged they knew
that the demonational issue would have to settled before they married.
So, each month they would alternate going to each other's church. One
month at my mom's church then one month at my dad's church. And of
course, they continually prayed for God's will in their lives. One Sunday,
they were at my mom's church, and at the end of the service (without
notice) my dad went forward during the invitation and joined my mom's church.
(He was already a Christian). He did this of his own free will and
without pressure from anyone. Not too long after that my dad felt God
calling him into the ministry. After he finished his time in the Air
Force, he went to college and then on to Seminary and now has been serving
God for almost 31 years in Southern Baptists churches. The point is,
you must follow God's will. My dad's parents were not pleased at all
that he chose to leave their church and not take the job they had waiting
for him when he got out of the Air Force. They told him that he would
never make it through college and that he was wasting his time. Well,
as you can see, he certainly didn't waste his time going into the ministry
(and he has a Master's degree) and my parents have been happily married
for 39 years. Follow God's will and you can never go wrong.
Pray about your fiance's mother and you two support each other fully in your
decisions. God Bless.
In Greece 3/29/02
I am a Pastor's wife and missionary. My husband and I are in Greece and
have been for 5 years. He is Greek. We've been through many things here. I
did'nt want to even come here, and made our lives miserable. I'm doing great
now and have finally within the last 2 years totaly bent to God's will. I
do love it here, but need some help with leadership skills. We have a mixed
congregation of British and Greek...(same church sperate services). I am
NOT a natural born leader filled with wisdom on how to speak to people and
what to say to them. I started a ladies "leadership team" that went well
the first meeting, but then I decided to open it up and make a regular ladies
meeting out of it (without letting the others know). Anyway, it was a disaster.Anyone
got any advice on how to get wisdom fast and easy???? Also, I have started
"discipling" a new young woman who has started coming to services. . .
. ....exactly how and where should I start? Our first meeting I tried to
establish where she was spiritually, and if of course she was even saved.
From here on I'm not so sure where to go. Also, I hate having to ask my
husband what to do all the time. Not because of pride or anything, but I
am ashamed sometimes. I feel like I should be a little more wise or knwing
things.....he is (my husband) the smartest wisest man I know...I guess
I feel like a "dummy" when I'm beside him. Anyway, this is longer than I
wanted. But I have no friends here. We are the only church within 6 hours,
and the other 2 are too far, so I guess I kinda need a little boost of wisdom,
and a little fellowship. Thank you!!!!
jackie 4/1/02
Please give me the duties of the Pastor's wife in the Baptist Churh.
I feel as if I am overworked and not appreciated. I have so many roles
to fulfill. So much is expected of me. I am at my wits end. My husband
is no help at all. He does not seem to realize the burden that I carry.
I really
am tired. Please help. I would
like an answer as soon as possible.
Sharon 4/10/02
The only "duty" of a pastor's wife is to be a wife. Support your
husband in all he does. Be there for him, just as any wife would be
for her husband. As for the ministry, you must do what God calls you
to do, no more and no less. In my church, I am involved in the choirs
and am VBS director. That's it. It is what I feel that God wants
me to do (not what the church wants me to do). How can someone expect
you to "do it all" when they are not willing to their part. Are your
church members doing their part? Each ministry in the church provides
a way for people with certain spiritual gifts and talents to serve and give
back to God. They cannot expect you to have all of the gifts and do
everything. Pray about what God would have you do, where you can best
serve your church according to your spiritual gifts and talents. There
was only one "superman", that was Jesus Christ, and you're not Him.
As for your husband, talk with him until he understands what your going
through and ask him to help the church realize that you are not employed by
the church. In this regard, you are like every other church member;
a person that needs to serve God where he wants you to serve Him. You
both must remember, the church hired him to pastor, not you. Keep your
eyes on the Son and God Bless.
Amy 4/10/02
There are no "official duties" a Baptist pastor's wife has.
I've been a pw for 5 years. I'm 33 years old and basically, I am who
I am. I don't do what I don't feel "called" by God to do. I
want to do more than what I do because I feel God has called me to some
specific ministries, but I work full time as a teacher and I have no energy
left. What I have left, I do use up as much as I can... Here's
a word of wisdom....be who you are. Don't try to be what you or anyone
else thinks a "typical preacher's wife" should be. Do what you
feel God has called you to do in the church. Otherwise, you will overwhelm
yourself and never be truly satisfied. Before my husband and I accepted
the ministry, our pastor (of a very successful and large Baptist church)
said to me, BE WHO YOU ARE - Don't feel pressure to fall into a role
you're not comfortable with. I know he believed it. His
precious wife said the same and she is so loved by everyone. Hang
in there. Take care..... Ask God what he wants from you.
It may just be to support your husband. That in itself is a HUGE ministry.
Take care and God bless you. I had the same question 5 years ago....
value people 4/2/02
God has been really getting into m spirit to value people. I just want
to say to everyone out there readng these stories that you are valuable
to the kingdom of God and don't let the enmy cut in on you or tear you
down like this. You can do whatever God calls you to do in Christ Jesus,
you are equipped to do. Satan will lie to you, but you have the Truth living
in you let it arise and guide you as you walk in faith.
Amy 4/7/02 Working
pastor's wife and friends your own age.... I guess I really don't
know where to start. I'm Before I go into too much detail. I'll
let you know that I'm a little nervous about discussing aanything about myself,
as many of you probably feel. My husband has been pastor for
5 years. I am 33 years old. We came into a a church that
was dying and had gotten down to 35 people. The church is in a growing
and young community. We now have about 250 members and growing daily
through baptismals and outreach. I am a teacher and work full-time.
My son is in kindergarten. I really desire to be involved in the
ministry, but have no time or energy left. I feel left out, basically
alone. It helped to hear someone talk about work as a place of refuge.
I had not seen it that way. I also have a tough time getting
close to people. I'm there for them, but have no one "there for me."
Does that make sense? Can anyone relate?
Sharon 4/10/02
Relate? Oh yes, I can relate. I struggle with the same thing.
It is good to be there for others, but as you said, who is there for us?
Well, let me give you some suggestions that have been given to me, and they
have worked. First, pray for God to send you friends that you can
trust and confide in. (These people might be in the church or they
may not.) You may try reaching out to other pastor's wives in your
community. I'm sure they need someone to talk to also. Check
out the activities in your local association. Our association is having
a minister's wives retreat at the end of May. I am really excited
about going. If your association doesn't have this event maybe you
could suggest it to them. And, if you would like, I'd be glad to converse
with you. Feel free to get my e-mail address from Rockdove.
As for getting involved in your church's ministries, God expects you to be
involved where He wants you. You can't do everything, but even if
it is something that may seem small to you it may be something greatly meaningful
to someone else. Get involved where you can and ask God to bless you
in that area. Keep praying and God Bless.
Pastor Maria 4/8/02
I just need a lot of prayer. I am a woman Pastor with so much going
on sometimes I feel so overwhelmed, I want to just walk out. In 1989 God
blessed me to start a ministry here, for seven long years I drove about 200
miles one way. I drove here every week to Pastor this church. It was almost
unheard of back then for a woman to found aand Pastor a church here. This
Town is located in the 2nd poorest county in this state. According to our
Mayor at the last city counsel meeting we need a miracle to continue to run,
this is the first prayer request,pray this town does not fold. My first husband
was from here and after years of coming here seeing the great spiritual
need of the people I was led by God to start this work here, we drove here
with our kids every weekend after work on friday. We both worked two jobs
one each to support our family the other to support the ministry here. My
husband was killed in an automobile accident in 1995 so I had to walk out
and leave my home, cars, etc to move here to keep this ministry going. You
see I had a heart attack in May 95 spent one week in hospital in ICU got
out that friday and rode here that Sat and God blessed me to be in the pulpit
that sunday. I was diagnosed with Lupus and Rhumotoid, diabetes and high
blood pressure, but God has kept me on my feet. I have had to have joint
replacements, but God has kept me on my feet. God sent a nother man in my
life and this man built the building we have service in now. God has kept
us above water, we have worked with families here helping many to become
self supportive, Helped many teen and children stay in school suppling their
clothes school supplies even hair cuts. Fed many, took some young men out
of jail to help them stop selling drugs and give their lives to Christ.
But now we are in financial distress, I don't know how we can continue to
do this community service work and keep the church functioning. We run off
the offerings taken up in service and community fund raisers, and this is
not enough. Please pray with me for a miracle, a quick miracle so we can
continue to function here. I am doing all I know to do and I know God has
promised to supply all our need, please help me pray for my faith to stay
intact and for increase in faith as we wait on our miracle. Thank you for
listening and pray for us.
Lord-I-try 5/6/02
I'm praying for you. God will work it out.
Copastor 4/9/02
HELLO EVERYONE!!!!!! I Copastor with my husband in Michigan....We
are also going through trials, ect!!! NO MATTER WHAT I CAN'T STOP LOVING
JESUS. HE IS MY BEST FRIEND AND I KNOW HE LOVES ME. Today I had a Bad
day. Thanks for all of your real and encouraging entries!
THANKS AGAIN TO A WONDERFUL FRIEND
WHO HAS NEVER FAILED ME (JESUS I LOVE YOU) Blessing to all.
Jane 4/9/02
I am a Pastors wife of a man who is currently out of ministry, I know this
will not be forever but sometimes the negativity and sense of hopelessnes
overwhelms him, and in turn me. He works but finds that it is not satisfying.
I know that God is working in his spirit and character, there are issues
and sin (dare I be so honest) from our unsaved days that are still haunting
us and God is gracefully but very slowly dealing with them, but it gets hard
giving and giving and giving. I have come to realise that much of his pain
I inflicted in our early days and I have committed myself to serving him
and our children trying to make our house a house of peace- the crucified
life can be very messy sometimes, and I think it is also very lonely. Sometimes
I feel that the body of Christ is a lonely place especially those with a
credential, the very people that you nedd to be vulnerable with are the
ones that can put you into ministry and take you out......You almost shoot
yourself in the foot as soon as you open your mouth. Where are all of those
mothers and fathers in the Lord- we don't have many in this country. I
feel sad and happy, tearful but OK, Can anyone relate? Sometimes I feel
like it will never end, but I believe in seasons... this is a dark one though.
In general I am not so jaded or depressed, I am actually a pretty happy and
content wife and Mamma, I think I get tired, thanks for the ear it just helps
to express my thoughts
Harriot 4/11/02
I would really like to work at home doing book keeping or an accounting
job or billing job but I don't know anyone who actually can work from home.
At home oppotunities seem almost seem almost too good to be true. I'm looking
for somebody who has an at home job. I am also interested in data entry
work at home jobs.
Bible Believn' 4/12/02
I need some help and some advice about a friend who doesn't attend
our church but had a fall out with their pastor. They basically told him
that they beleived he wasn't called to be a pastor and wasn't doing his
job to shepherd and encourage the people into their callings and using
their giftings. He was delegating through guilt and pushiness. They left
their church and have been out of church for 8 weeks now. They have recently
been asked to speak at another church to fill in for a pastor who is gone
on a leave of absence. They are hoping that will eventually turn into a
mentoring and fullfilled full time ministry position, hoping that the pastor
will step down and let them in. I feel they are dissalusioned and that it
may be a distraction from reconciling with their old church and pastor.
I feel if I tell them that they'll will be offended and head in the wrong
direction anyway. However, it is one of the hardest things to do to just
encourage and build them and say nothing about the truth I really feel in
my heart. I do know that God will do His will. Please pray that God will
reveal to them the shcemes of the devil, and how important it is to do things
God's way in good character. I feel they are headed down a hard road.
sisdonna 4/12/02
I am having a rough time with my 17 yr. old. She is in therapy at the
moment because she is at the stage of rebellion and refuses to take any
advice or counsel from my husband or myself. We have been in ministry for
23 years and it has taken a toll on her. She hates the church and everyone
in it. She says she loves the Lord but doesn't show it. I cannot judge
her heart but her rebellion is a poor example to my younger children.
SHe is dating an unsaved man who has no job and is 21 (still in high school)
He has never been disrespectful to us or our daughter but his lack of ambition
has us concerned. He is from a dysfunctional home and for the year
and a half we know him, he hasn't worked anywhere. Our daughter has
been raised with a hard working mentality and we have instilled many principles
into her over these 17 years that she is turning fast away from. Please,
just pray for us. I have been given a hundred different advices from
people and i just need to know that my sisters are praying for me and my
wayward daughter. The next step for her is out the door because she
refuses to abide by the expections of this home. And they aren't very
much, believe me! THanks for caring.
Amy 4/13/02
Is Williams still around? I'd like to see how she is doing?
Dusty 4/16/02
My heart weeps with Jesus as I read most of these entries. I grew
up as a Pastor's Kid. The last thing I ever wanted was to marry a minister.
But, God has a sense of humor and called my husband after we were married.
Following 3 decades as an associate pastor's wife, I am now a PW.
The saddest advise I ever heard given to a group of PW's by an elder PW
was to "be a good actress." Nothing can prepare you for what the future
holds, even if you are not a PW. You must be yourself and allow God
to change you through the struggles. Maybe you have seen the e-mail
regarding how silver is refined. It must reach the correct temperature
and be pulled from the fire immediately or it will be destroyed.
Know how the silversmith knows the right temperature? He watches it
very closely and when he can see his reflection in it he knows the impurities
are gone. It is pure and he pulls it from the fire. God has
not called us to a life of ease, but to a place where we experience intimacy
with Him. We were created for His pleasure (Rev.4:11) to reflect His
image. That takes a lot of fire. Do not run from the purification.
Run TO it, knowing that by keeping your eyes fixed on Jesus, the storms
of life will NOT take your breath from your body. Hard as it may be,
don't look at the waves. They are only water, part of the dirt of creation,
not part of your spiritual existence. I often ask my self the question,
"Is this worth losing my eternal life over?" Nothing is worth losing
my relationship with my heavenly Father. Keep your perspective of
the big picture. Jesus, familiar with everything human, gives us the
honor of sharing in his suffering. Yes, he tried to avoid the suffering,
but bowed to the Father's will out of His love for us. Someday, we
who have suffered "for a little while" will sit with Jesus in the heavenlies
- all sorrow and pain behind us. He will say, "Welcome, good and faithful
servant. Enter into all I have prepared for you." I don't want
to miss hearing that! I am praying that God will open the eyes of
your heart to see the future He has for you. (Jeremiah 29:11) Believe
me, I know the pain and discouragement you face, but I also know that being
a PW is how God is molding me to be like Him. Would I want to do anything
else? NEVER!!!
May a pw 4/22/02 Hello. I hope you Ministers' Wives
will give me some godly advice. this has been a perplexing problem
for me. My husband has been in his first pastoral appointment for
a little over a year now. We have been "saved" about 9 years. Our
former pastor is "Pastor Jones" and we were saved under his ministry.
We have a lot of love and respect for the man. Pastor Jones has a
grown son that went thru a messy diovorce about seven (?)years ago.
About a year ago Jones' son moved to another state and is hiding from the
ex-wife in order not to pay child support for his 3 children ranging from
ages 10 to 15 years old. Jones' son is remarried and has 2 stepchildren,
which I think live with him and his current wife. Pastor and Mrs. Jones
have kept this son's whereabouts secret, even from close family members, even their
other son and his wife don't know. Pastor Jones is applying for a pastoral
postion in another state and used my husband as a reference. Thru
that I discovered that is the state where the deadbeat son is. The Jones'
are in many ways good, God-fearing people however this lack of integrity
greatly troubles me. Their son was very emotionally abusive towards
his ex-wife and she "put up" with it for years and years and then when it
was over it was over. I never knew her well, but I am related by marriage
to other members in their family. The former wife put up with such unethical
and dysfunctional behavior all of her married life, particularly from those
she "knew" as Christians. It is no secret that the men in their family
have volatile tempers and controlling dispositions where their wives are
concerned (Pastor Jones included). Yet they are also ministers. The ex-wife is not serving God as she once did, and
often when I think of her I am reminded of that Bible verse where Jesus
warns that it's better for a millstone to be hung around your neck and be
cast in the sea then for you to offend a little one. Neither my husband
nor I could go to the Jones' in loving correction or discussion over this.
What really gets me is that right now, Pastor and Mrs. Jones live only a
couple of blocks away from their former daughter-in-law and their grandchildren.
I can only imagine how those children feel knowing that their father abandoned
support and visitation for money and their own grandparents are hiding him!
And they are ministers of the gospel! I makes me righteously angry. I would
like to atleast pass the little information I know on to the ex-wife so at
least she could try to get her children the support they deserve. What
does the Bible say about a man that will not support his children? It's says he's an infidel. as a Pastor's wife this
kind of injustice burns me. Am I right to be angry. I think
we (ministers) are held to a higher accountability. I am far from
perfect. My circumstances are different, so I don't know how I'd react if
I were in the Jones' place, I realize that they think they are protecting
their son. Put how can they preach and teach the Bible and then act this
way?
What should I do? Mind my own business or pass on the information?
someonecares 5/7/02
Dear May, you indicated that this Pastor Jones was a good man and the only negative thing you mentioned
was about his adult son. The Bible tells us to train up a child in the way he should go, not train up an adult. Pastor Jones has done his job. He
is not responsible for his adult son. You cannot control your adult kids. I don't know if you have any children but, as they get older they will
go through things which are contrary from what they are taught, at that point you can only pray for them. You are on the outside looking in. You
don't know what Pastor Jones may be saying to his son or how he may be praying for his son. The best thing that you can do is pray for them.
If you want to help the ex-wife and children in some way, that's fine but do not get into that situation. If you do, you will be the one hurt.
May 5/17/02 Thanks for your
input. Unfortunately this is not the only negative thing about the Jones', it was the straw that broke the camels back, in my own
private opinion of them. Our denomination endorses Biblical standards, exhortation and ministerial care, but it seems no one
wants to be the one to deliver any negative message. You can't imagine how much better I felt just writing it out, and haveing
somebody respond. I am not going to do anything but pray about it for now. I try to put myself in someone else's position, and
if I was making a terrible blunder, or had a big blind spot, I think I would welcome a friend or collegue having an honest talk
with me. The opinion this family has is that their son can do no wrong and their ex-daughter in law is a harlot. After she put up
with years of his emotional abuse (he made her crawl accross the floor to serve him dinner, freaky stuff like that). He is on his
third marriage, not counting all the women he's shacked up with, since her. She has lived with the same man since a year or
two after the diovorce. I get so tired of hearing what a tramp she is (for living with this man), and how their son shouldn't have
to pay all this money for HIS 3 CHILDREN. I realize that neither one of them is a pillar of Biblical morality, neither one of
them is even serving the Lord at all, as far as I know. But she tried to be a good wife and is a great mother. Well, now I'm just
ranting. But your advice helped. I need to step back and pray for them. You are right that it isn't my place to get involved in it.
5/22/02 What we fail to realize, is that
too often we try to handle situations on our on. We must realize that the battle is not ours it's the Lord. The best advise you
can give to Pastor Jones daughter-in-law is to recommend Jesus. I am a single mother of three whos father has not lived up to
his obligation. Even while we was married he had a child between our last two sons with another women. the day my last son
was born, the doctors ran into complications and need his signature for emergency surgery, he couldn't come to sign the
papers because if he left work he would have ended up fired from his job. He had lied to his boss the month before and told
them he needed a day off because I was having my baby, but the truth was he was out partying with his girlfirend. Two weeks
after his birth he filed for a divorce. MY last son was never able to enjoy him as a father. It was times we had to eat out of the
garbage. But we (me and my boys)made it. The day I was served divorce papers there was also an eviction notice on my
house he was lying about paying the mortgage, so we was evicted but we made it. Faced with two little ones and a newborn plus
having to come up with money to get a lawyer along now with no roof over our heads but we made it. Didn't always have the
things we wanted but as I look back over my life and I think things over there was not a time that God didn't see us through,
He always supplied our every need. As I type this reponse tears are roling down my face, but understand that they are not tears
of sorrow, but tears of joy. It taught me the true meaning of Psalms 23, The Lord, I say again The Lord, is my Shepherd and I
shall not, somebody needs to hear me, I shall not want. Yea tho' I walk through the valley and the shadows of death, He
didn't say I wasn't going to have some valleys in my life, but if I but put my trust in Him and fear not the situation, I would not
get stuck in the valley but I would go through knowing He is with me. I learned how to lean and depend on Jesus. He is the
author and finisher of my faith. My life is in His hands. He shows his love to me in so many others, by there words of encouragement,
food, money given out of love to me and my children from others, not seeking any glory, but who were glorifying the father
with there acts of kindness. So, I say to you today to trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not to your own understanding
in all your ways acknowledge Him, even in this matter and He shall direct your path. This matter may have come to you as a
test, to see if we are the christians that we profess to be. the Word says, "when I was hungry did you feed me, when I was
thirsty, did you give me drink. I say that to say this the best that we can recommend to Pastor Jones daughter-in- law is Jesus.
Let her be able to see the Jesus in us by doing and giving of ourselves in whatever way that we can as Christian. As for Pastor
Jones and his wife, pray for them The battle is not yours but it's the Lord. Trust me I can share some more of the things my
children are going through but we have learn to become overcomers through Christ Jesus. We learn to appreciate a hot meal
and to share with others. We may not have much but little becomes much when we place it in the Masters Hand. I am facing a
critical financial situation in my life right now. I don't how God is going to do it, but I know He will deliver. As I look back and
think things over my good days out weigh my bad days and I won't complain. For the Lord is my sheperd and I shall not want.
For in Him there is no need. He says we have not because we ask not. We have to know what it is to give Him back His word.
He said that His Word would not come back void. How can we give Him back His Word if we don't know it. WE perish
because of a lack of knowledge. I pray that Pastor Jones daughter will come out victoriously in this situation both spiritually and
financially. If she dont know him personally, that she will become intimate with Him through His Word, she will find that there is not a
friend like the lowly Jesus.He may not come when she wants Him but He's always on time and when He shows up I'm a witness
that He will show off in her life. God Bless!!!!!!!
patience 4/23/02
Hello ladies, would you all please pray for our family? We have
been candidating at a church since October of last year and the church is
making a decision soon. We are praying that God's Will would be done
and are most willing to serve if the vote is yes. I admit being fearful
but know God doesn't give us the spirit of fear but of power and love and
of a sound mind. If the Lord's answer is no. How have you encouraged
your husband afterwards? Thanks so much!
May 5/6/02 I have been
praying for you and checking up on this board. How did the vote go? I tried to post a response to you earlier, but that must
have been when they were having trouble with the board. Anyway, if the vote is a no, then I would just continue to support
and have a positive attitude for my husband. Just re-assure him that, while we're all dissappointed, God obviously has another
plan. Pray for God's peace and wisdom and direction. Give your husband some extra TLC. Also, I would also be interested in
the insurance information! Also, somebody please answer my post from 4-22-02! Thanks!
PATIENCE 5/13/02 MAY-THANK
YOU AND TO EACH AND EVERYONE WHO PRAYED FOR OUR FAMILY WHILE MY HUSBAND WAS
BEING CONSIDERED FOR THE PASTORATE. WELL THE VOTE IS IN!!!!! AND YES!!! HE IS PASTOR OF
THE CHURCH. TO GOD BE THE GLORY FOR THE THINGS HE HAS DONE!!!!!! I AM ABSOLUTELY IN AWE
AND GRATEFUL JUST TO BE USED OF THE LORD IN HIS MINISTRY. IT IS A SMALL CHURCH AND WE
ARE TRUSTING THE LORD TO PROVIDE FOR OUR NEEDS FOR INSURANCE AND WHATEVER ELSE WE
NEED.WE HAVE A VERY LARGE FAMILY. HE HAS ALWAYS BEEN FAITHFUL AND KNOW HE WILL
CONTINUE. LET THE LORD HANDLE THE SITUATION WITH THE HIDING PASTOR AND THE PARENTS
WHO ARE PROTECTING HIM. REMEMBER "THE EYES OF THE LORD ARE IN EVERY PLACE BEHOLDING
THE GOOD AND THE EVIL". CONTINUE TO PRAY FOR ALL OF THEM AND REMEMBER WHO ALWAYS
HAS THE LAST SAY.
ASK GOD TO HELP YOU LOVE THEM EVEN THROUGH THE PAIN. ANY TIPS FOR STARTING A NEW
PASTORATE PLEASE ADVISE. I WELCOME ANY WISDOM FROM THE LORD. THANKS SO MUCH.
Lynn 4/26/02 Wonderful Board! I look forward to reading and sharing and growing. God Bless you and your families!
Gail 4/30/02 Question: Does anyone know of an alternate insurance plan for pastors'
families when the denomination plan is POOR with high deductibles and
large co-pays? I feel trapped into working forever just to maintain
adequate group insurance coverage and would like to spend more time
with my 5 year old (I'm 45 and have worked full time raising two
other children: 23 and 20). Any ideas appreciated. In addition, I am a
Christian Counselor and if anyone wants to communicate with me, get my e-mail address from Rock Dove.
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